


Only the Best (Most Hideous) Will Do

by SuggestiveScribe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, I'm mad about how much I'm enjoying this holiday season, I'm obsessed with ugly Christmas sweaters why, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, This Is STUPID, because of course Kuroo showed up, put all the gays in scarves and Christmas sweaters, side KuroKen in there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 22:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5392061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuggestiveScribe/pseuds/SuggestiveScribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He found himself biting into his bottom lip and thinking, "<i>But is this ugly enough?</i>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only the Best (Most Hideous) Will Do

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Мой прекрасный ужасный свитер](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5719489) by [Ji_chan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ji_chan/pseuds/Ji_chan)



Iwaizumi's hands curled into the fabric. He was glaring at it, eyes narrowed and mouth pulled down. The incessant jingling of bells over the loudspeakers had become one with his consciousness at some point, a Christmas colored backdrop to every thought that dared slide through his mind. What hadn't quite joined the scenery was the shrill bleating of the children behind him, scampering down the aisle and gently bumping into his legs. He heard the soft apology of their mother, but his gaze didn't move from the fabric.

He found himself biting into his bottom lip and thinking, " _But is this ugly enough?_ "

"Ah, imagine seeing you here."

Iwaizumi blinked at the familiar voice, finally pulling his gaze away from the wool. His shoulders sagged, and his voice came out exhausted, "Kuroo."

Kuroo grinned, all white and uneven, and Kenma tipped his chin up from where he was nestled into Kuroo's side, arm looped around the one Kuroo had buried in the pocket of his coat.

"That's the voice of a defeated man," Kuroo observed. His eyes dropped to Iwaizumi's hands, "And by a sweater, no less."

Iwaizumi's arms dropped heavily by his sides, "You know the ugly Christmas sweater party Suga is throwing?"

"Next week," Kuroo responded.

Kenma's fingers were curling and uncurling around the fabric of Kuroo's sleeve, his voice soft, "I'm helping Koushi decorate..."

Kuroo gave him a quick look, "Oh right, I forgot."

"I need to find a sweater for Oikawa," Iwaizumi finished with some lamentation. He glanced down at the one in his hands, sneered at it, and then shoved it back on the hanger with no small amount of hostility. "And I can't find a good one to save my life."

Kuroo raised his eyebrow, "Um, are you sure?" His voice lilted up a touch, "Last time I checked Oikawa had plenty of ugly sweaters."

Iwaizumi scrunched his nose, "He _does_ , but he wears them all unironically." Iwaizumi dragged his hand down his face, "If he's going to wear an ugly sweater I at least want it to feel more... _him_."

Kenma's eyes slid off to the side, "I don't know; I think Tooru wearing ugly clothes unironically is pretty ' _him_ '."

Kuroo chuckled. Iwaizumi tipped his head back and groaned.

"We could help you look if you want?" Kuroo offered with a small shrug of his shoulders.

Iwaizumi's mouth twisted around as he looked at the sweater rack, "I don't want to be a bother--"

"Eh, it's fine," Kuroo waved him off. "We were looking for a few last minute gifts for Oikawa, anyway."

"And your mom," Kenma added.

Iwaizumi gave Kuroo a steady glare, "You didn't have to get us anything."

Kuroo shrugged again, "Gifts among family are okay, right?"

Iwaizumi froze where he stood, eyes wide and cheeks flushing.

Kenma glanced up at Kuroo, "Smooth."

"And plus," Kuroo went on, "Oikawa always gets us something and I can't lose to that flashy bastard."

Kenma's pursed his lips, "You ruined it."

"Ah what the hell," Iwaizumi said, stepping away from the rack. "I could use some help."

"What about you, Hajime?" Kenma asked.

Iwaizumi's head tilted down as he glanced at him, "What about me?"

Kenma's gold eyes were bright thanks to the light filtering in through the sun roof, "Do you have an ugly sweater?"

Iwaizumi almost snorted, gaze returning forward, "I'm just going to wear one of Oikawa's."

Kuroo nodded, "Fair."

 

It took all day. Iwaizumi traversed the entirety of the mall with Kuroo and Kenma without an ounce of luck. The pair managed to find their last minute gifts, but no matter how hard he tried Iwaizumi simply could not settle on a sweater ugly enough for his boyfriend.

"This is a stupid problem to have," Iwaizumi commented as they dragged their feet toward their last stop.

Kenma happily bit into a ball of mochi ice cream, a small bag swinging from his crooked elbow. He spoke around the rice patty in mouth, lips still dusted with baking powder, "You're just very picky."

Iwaizumi made a rough, dissatisfied noise, but he couldn't argue because he wasn't wrong.

"I told you, you should have bought that ugly red one with the grinch on it," Kuroo said with a nonchalant wave of his hand before taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

"I can't buy anything with the grinch on it," Iwaizumi explained logically. "Last time we were out Oikawa held up a coffee mug with the grinch on it and said, 'Iwa-chan, look I can have a cup with your face on it'."

Kuroo almost spit out his drink as he rocked forward on his toes, and then laughed loud enough for it to echo down the corridor.

"It doesn't even make sense," Iwaizumi said, crossing his arms over his chest. He glanced away from them, mouth sinking into a pout, "I've always loved Christmas..."

" _Aww_ ," Kuroo cooed, prodding his side with his elbow. "Does it make your heart grow two sizes?"

Iwaizumi slapped him.

"One more shop," Kenma said before licking the trail of ice cream off his lips. "You could always look online."

"That's where I started," Iwaizumi responded, shuffling his hand through his hair.

"Worst case scenario he wears one of his everyday ugly sweaters," Kuroo consoled him. "Not a big deal."

Iwaizumi buried his hands in the pockets of his slacks, "I guess."

Their final stop was a store that didn't take itself seriously; there were a lot of gag gifts and weird items, posters and merchandise for indie bands and cult classic movies.

"This place smells funny," Kenma murmured next to Kuroo's shoulder.

Iwaizumi's eyes swept over the shelves, constantly moving until he reached a section of clothing. It was there he halted, entire body stiffening in front of the sloppily folded shirt and sweaters. He reached out, grabbing a frumpy piece of green wool, and his eyes grew wide.

Kuroo stopped beside him, peering over his shoulder, " _Oh_."

"I can't believe it," Iwaizumi whispered.

Kuroo tilted his head, "If you don't get that for Oikawa then we're no longer family."

*

Iwaizumi was sitting on the couch when Oikawa came home, a delighted hum following the slide of his key and the slip of his shoes.

"Iwa-chan?"

"Welcome home," Iwaizumi called in greeting.

Oikawa's head popped from around the entryway, brown eyes big and bright, smile pursed closed but still wide.

"You look happy," Iwaizumi said.

Oikawa took a few small steps forward, a package held tightly between his hands. "Don't come in the bedroom," he said, quickly padding away from Iwaizumi. "I have to check this real quick."

"Yes sir," Iwaizumi responded, leaning back on the couch, one leg dangling off the side. He had his own bag set next to him, waiting.

There was the sound of ripping, then a sharp intake of breath. Iwaizumi wasn't sure whether that was a good or bad sign until Oikawa returned, beaming.

"I have something for you," he said, fingers twittering anxiously around the package.

"Oh, well," Iwaizumi reached down to the floor to hold up his bag, lightly swinging it from his pointer finger, "I have something for you too."

Normally that would have made Oikawa's eyes sparkle, but this time he took a step back, pressing his package to his chest, "But this is for Suga's party."

Iwaizumi frowned at him, "Mine is... too..."

There was a silence.

"Great minds?" Oikawa supplied.

"I'm marking it on the calendar," Iwaizumi said. "Tuesday, 8 p.m. on December 22nd, Oikawa said I have a 'great mind'."

"Come on Iwa-chan," Oikawa chastised, finally making his way over to the couch. "I'm not _that_ mean to you."

Iwaizumi shifted to sit more properly as Oikawa sat down, "I'm going to have to start recording everything you say."

"Open mine first," Oikawa said, shoving the box at Iwaizumi. He was shifting around in his seat like a child, skin practically radiating excitement.

"No," Iwaizumi said, snatching the package just so he could shove his bag in Oikawa's hands. "Yours first."

Oikawa groaned, "Iwa-cha--"

Iwaizumi nudged him with his socked foot, "Just open it already."

Oikawa huffed, shoulders slumping as if he wasn't just handed a gift, "Fine, fine." His fingers delicately pushed aside the bag and tissue paper, and when his eyes glanced what was underneath he caught his breath and smacked his hand over his mouth. Iwaizumi's lips tilted into an easy smile.

Oikawa ripped it from the bag, popping instantly into a standing position so he could unfurl the folds of fabric.

He opened his mouth, but all that came out was a tiny squeak.

Iwaizumi allowed his head to rest on the back of the couch, "Do you like it?"

Oikawa's hands fisted in the fabric, eyes wide and shining. He held the sweater against himself, fingers clutching at the end of the sleeves. Across the green sweater were rows of lighter green alien heads, white snowflakes, and little UFOs with beams of light spraying out the bottom.

It was hideous.

Oikawa squeezed it against his chest, "I _love_ it."

Iwaizumi gave a slow blink, smile somehow growing more warm and genuine, "I'm glad."

"Where did you find it!?" Oikawa demanded.

Iwaizumi shook his head, "Honestly I would have to check the receipt to even remember the name of the store."

Oikawa's grin moved past his cheeks and into his eyes, "It's perfect."

"It's gaudy, flamboyant, and nerdy," Iwaizumi said. "Just like you."

Oikawa leveled a glare over the neck of the sweater, but it disappeared from his face the moment his eyes reconnected with the package on Iwaizumi's lap. "Oh, oh!" he sat down hard on the couch, eyes riveted to Iwaizumi's face, "Open it."

Iwaizumi's eyes turned down and he slid his thumb between flaps of cardboard, "Frankly I'm afraid to see what _you_ would pick out for an ugly sweater party."

Oikawa didn't even react to the insult; he was too busy buzzing in his seat, watching every move of Iwaizumi's fingers.

"Alright then," Iwaizumi sighed to himself, opening up the box and carefully pulling the sweater free of its wrapping. His hands stilled.

Oikawa tipped forward, feet tapping anxiously on the ground. He looked like he might combust.

Iwaizumi barely noticed; he was too busy staring at the sweater, all in greens and grays, that had a huge Godzilla stitched into the front. His mouth lolled open.

"Well?" Oikawa said, eyes more likely to pop out of his skull than not.

The Godzilla had his mouth open and roaring, the simplistic design making him far too endearing to be terrifying, and was crushing a building beneath his foot. A dry noise came out of Iwaizumi's throat.

"Iwa- _chan_ ," Oikawa pleaded.

Iwaizumi slowly lowered the sweater, eyes still a bit wide, "This is the best sweater I've ever seen."

"YES!" Oikawa launched off the couch, pumping his fist victoriously. "I _knew_ it, I knew you'd love the tiny Godzilla."

Iwaizumi stared down at the folds of wool in his lap, lips pinched closed to keep himself from smiling like a fool. It was _cute_.

" _Aahg_ , you would not believe the pain I went through," Oikawa droned, squeezing his temples. "I ordered that _weeks_ ago; I had to keep it a secret all this time."

Iwaizumi blinked up at Oikawa, voice taking on an edge of concern, "But... Oikawa..."

Oikawa paused in his narration to glance down at Iwaizumi, "Hm?"

Iwaizumi looked at the fabric in his lap, then back up at Oikawa, "It's not... ugly."

Oikawa grinned, broad white smile splitting his face, "I'm glad you feel that way."

Iwaizumi shot him a dirty look.

"I'm so happy!" Oikawa breathed. "I'm so glad you like it..."

"You know me pretty well by now," Iwaizumi said, holding up the sweater.

Oikawa walked around him, bending at the hips to dip down to Iwaizumi's level. He pressed a quick kiss against the corner of Iwaizumi's mouth, "I hope so."

*

They showed up at Kuroo and Kenma's house for the carpool right on time. When Kenma opened the door he was wearing a Zelda sweater, pixilated swords, Hylian crests, and hearts scrawled across his chest.

Kuroo's sweater was cats-- cat heads and paw prints everywhere. Kenma glanced up at him, "In comparison Kuroo, your sweater is a bit lame."

Kuroo's mouth fell into a pout, and Oikawa glared at him, "You're not fit to be in our group. Get out."

Kuroo's eyes went downcast as he shuffled out the door so Kenma could lock it behind them, "I'm being bullied by the nerds..."

"It's alright buddy," Iwaizumi said, giving him a pat on the back. "I'll still give you a ride."

"It's not my fault I love cats..."

"I know."

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> euhg
> 
> http://suggestivescribe.tumblr.com/


End file.
